Seasons of Pain

ages ago, i began seeing a chiropractor for treatment on my back. i remember that this guy lacked a bit in his bedside manner. in addition, his style of treatment seemed to match his personality. i can remember him walking around the adjustment table. then without warning, he would pounce on an area to adjust my spine. this was my first chiropractic doctor, yet even then, i was sure that his style was a bit on the unorthodox side. i could feel my body, and especially my neck, tensing up as i lay there, watiting to be 'pounced on.' (i soon looked for another chiropractor.)

my point being, even if i knew that doc had a bit of what i later nicknamed a 'kamakazi style,' i still lay there and endured the treatment. i knew that ultimately, the goal was to feel better, or to re-align my back as it should be.

for the last couple of years, i've been going through another type of pain. the kind of pain you have when watching someone you love struggle, suffer, endure brokenness and suffocating discouragement - but not being able to do anything to change it. i'm not the first person in the world to experience this, nor will i be the last. i have very dear friends who are going through a similar season of pain. pain so deep that you can point to a place on your body where you actually feel that pain manifest in the physical realm.

pain is no stranger to life. Jesus even said, "In this world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, for i have overcome the world." The Bible: John, chapter 16, verse 33.

i am no philosopher; i can't answer why God allows pain. but i know he does allow it. it's no picnic. i can remember laying on the floor, thinking that i was going to pass out from the level of pain. i even wondered how someone could go through that much pain and not actually die. know the feeling? in that painful state, it can be easy for some to question God, wonder what the purpose is, wonder what one can do to 'fast-forward' your life to a better time. yet Jesus knew we would have those times, and in doing so, he has already made provision for it.

i am learning that in those seasons of pain, God gives us peace. peace enough to sustain me through each moment of the day. peace to help you get out of bed and sustain you until you lie down at night. i know that on some days, it requires a boatload of peace to get through each moment, let alone the whole day. but God gives enough peace for each day.

God also gives grace. enough grace to encourage someone else going through something equally as painful. grace enough to share the surplus you have with someone else. grace enough to not say the thing in your head which you would like to scream out to someone who, in lack of understanding or maturity, will say the wrong thing. grace enough to give a kind and soft answer. grace enough to swallow your pride and not take offense. i'm not saying i'm perfect or have responded wisely each and every time. but i bear witness that God does give enough grace that brings an option to give grace each and every time.

in painful seasons, it's hard to see around the bend, or to look forward to the future. yet i know that our good shepherd Jesus is here with us now, and will meet us when we get to those turns and bends in the road ahead. and there, God waits for us with more peace and more grace for that time.

if you have been experiencing pain and discouragement, take heart. for he who has overcome the world knows what we are going through right now. and he cares very much for us and promises to be with us - come what may. and if it helps, you are not alone.

Bean & Barley Salad (A Low Glycemic recipe)

Very similar to a cold spaghetti salad! I made this a few times and have adjusted the type of beans and amounts to my taste. I've used garbanzos & black beans and strong onion. I would add a medium sweet onion if I had it on hand. It's a refreshing mix and makes enough to last the week (easy for pack lunches). Adjust amounts to your liking: can of kidney beans, Northern beans (rinse & drain), diced tomatoes. Add cooked barley - rinse & drain, diced celery, diced bell peppers. For seasoning: add splash of Balsamic vinegar, Wishbone Balsamic Vinaigrette (enough to moisten salad), and 1/2 bottle of McCormick's "salad supreme." Optional: minced onion

Cracklin Rice Chx Soup (minus rice)

We got Chinese take out after church on Sunday. I decided to try the cracklin rice soup. It was the sort of thing I remember having in oriental restaurants at home in Hawaii. Clear simple broth with fresh vegetables just cooked until hot, but not soft. Turned out pretty good. Not something that sticks to your ribs or has tons of starch in it. But something that tastes clean and fresh and would be great especially when you are under the weather. Here's how I did it.

Heat to boiling about 2 cups of chicken broth per person. (I used Swanson's.) Ahead of time, I prepped the veggies and small piece of chicken breast:
Soaked dried Shiitake mushrooms until soft, then cut in slices (you can use regular mushrooms)
slice carrots thinly, a few pieces per person
add a few Chinese pea pods per person (snap ends, pull "string" from spine & slice if too large)
thinly slice celery on the diagonal, few pieces
slice bok choi or choi sum (Oriental cabbage varieties) to bite sized pieces (as much as you like)
thinly slice a small partially-frozen chicken breast

Once the broth is boiling, add carrots and shiitake mushrooms, and salt to taste.
Once the carrots are par-boiled, add the chicken.
Once the broth boils again, add all other veggies.
Stir veggies into broth, turn fire off immediately and serve. It's best when the veggies are par-boiled.
The next time I make this, I'd add a sprinkling of fresh Chinese parsley (cilantro) on top.

2011 Playing Catch Up & Practicing Other Habits

Okay, so I've gone lazy on my blog and haven't posted anything. So here's my catch up with 2011. I'm working part-part-time. And catching up on "exciting" home projects like mending clothes and other things, ripping apart my home-made version of a Vera Bradley tote bag and re-designing it, catching up on Bible reading (yeah, I am caught up FOR NOW), fixing home baked goods for Curt, trying to better plan meals and coordinate it with the shopping list (who knew it could be done?), and other tasks like that.

I've organized the spare-room closet and labeled containers so that if I suddenly die or my husband has to find something on his own, it's a task now made easy.

I've been trying to pare down some of my clothes and get rid of superfluous stuff to make room. I've caught up with the scrubbing, vacuuming up spider webs, baseboards, and walls, organized my food pantry, . . . on and on.

Of course, I have been going on the web looking for jobs and submitting resumes. But I've tried to make use of the time (more or less) that I've had while at home. It feels good to make myself useful, . . . or at least make my time useful.

My prayer partners & I have also changed our venue for weekly prayer. We are praying now at the district office of our church denomination. This has been very fulfilling and much more exciting. We see God confirming the things for which we are asking him, and that's always exciting.

But more importantly, a habit that I've been practicing is to take captive every thought, and make it subject to the knowledge of Jesus my Messiah. I could look around and see the situations and circumstances in my life that are discouraging. But then that would put me in a place where I choose not to dwell - meaning in a place of discouragement, sadness and dissatisfaction.

Instead, I have chosen to dwell in the goodness of the Lord, and his faithfulness to me thus far. He has proven himself to me and I have seen many miracles in my lifetime. Why would God quit displaying his love and faithfulness to me, just because my situation seems challenging? I know that he would NOT. I know I can count on his promises for me. I know he will remain ever faithful.

So more important to me in making my time useful, is keeping my thoughts disciplined with what I know for sure. And that is that God loves me. I am his adopted daughter. He hears my prayers and answers. He has good intentions for me, to prosper me and not to harm me. He would use me in kingdom work, if he counts me worthy. He is faithful to his word. He has been faithful to me all my life. And he intends to astound me with things beyond my imaginations and dreams. It's not just positive thinking. It is the facts. And so I continue along my path. And one day, I look forward to sharing the real details of my life once the Lord does his miracles!